Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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