if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
