I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
