He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
