he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
