you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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