You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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