Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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