I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
