He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
