ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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