haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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