thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
