Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
