Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
