i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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