But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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