she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
