Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
