I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
FUCK WHALES
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
