i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
