I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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