you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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