His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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