he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
