You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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