sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
