My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
