Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
