So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How naked do you want me to be?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
