I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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