Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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