Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
