I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
