ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
