I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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