I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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