Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
