if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
