Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
