i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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