I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Houston, we have a squirter
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
