I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
