I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well you can't waste a boner
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
