Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My breasts were aching with rage.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
