it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
