After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
