He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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