We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
