So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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