why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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