Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
