I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
