I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
