Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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