if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
