Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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