well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
