i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
