the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
In America we eat man semen.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize