my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
