i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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