I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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