dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
