How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
