last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
