She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
