you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
did i walk over a car last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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