the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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