Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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