Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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